Last Day as a Miss

Yup.. that day has finally arrived! Today is the day i get married! I've only had 6 hrs of beauty sleep today... not cos i dont want to.. but cos i cant.

I'm so anxious that I feel like i'm going to puke. But this is good anxiety.. Like those that you have when u are about to go on stage and receive a award in front of the nation...

So far so good... Just cant breathe too well.. haha. Hopefully the skies will be clear and it be windy and cooling and not too sunny and....... nvm... Just dont rain can le =)

Regrettably, some people cant make it to our wedding but i am looking forward to meeting all the people I havent seen in a while.

Gosh... I really feel like puking... I just wish I can go back to bed now and just sleep it off.

Today will be the day I become a Mrs Sia.. something that i have dreamt about for a long long time. I cant wait to make the promise to my dear, to cherish him and love him till death do us part.

Kisses...

YES~!!!!

At 240 am, on our 83rd mth anniversary, my dearest darling finally proposed to me~! Yes yes.. At last..! It was such a crime to keep such a beautiful thing in the drawers. heh..

I thought he was kidding at first! We were lying in a pitch black room, talking nonsense and what lies ahead of us in the future, with Buble playing at the background. It just seemed like a normal night. haha.. Till he suddenly got all serious and asked me if I would let him take care of me for the rest of my life..

*awwww.....*

There wasnt any of the on-1-knee-at-a-restaurant proposal, but this was so much sweeter and more intimate! I felt soo so happy and blessed when he held me in his arms. Also saves me (and him!) from any embarassment. haha..

Of course I said Yes.. Was tearing like hell and my nose watering unglamorously. And he slipped the ring into my finger.. It was such a special moment =)

*sighs happily*

I love you so much darling. Thanx for wanting to put up with my nonsense for the rest of your life. kisses..

41 more days...

This sun i'm going to meet with the florist to decide on the decor for the house! Hopefully with the limited budget, she can make the house real pretty.

A couple of my close friends have either gotten or are going to secure jobs. Makes me wonder if there is anything wrong with me =/

I know.. i limit my own job scope by not wanting to do certain jobs.. but that's only because I want to spend time with my dear at the end of the day. I want to be able to cook dinner for him, watch moobies/tv together... I dont want to be still stuck at the office at 10 pm while dear has to eat da bao food almost everyday.

I just want to be a good wife cos i think there's nothing more satisfying than looking at ur dear tuck into a meal that has been prepared with love.. heehee..

Speaking of cooking.. Miss cooking the steak dinner..! And baking the chocolate cake as well. Muffins turned out huat-kuey-ish that time.. so nvm.. haha.. Not sure what went wrong tho. I shall just stick to things that i know how to do..

Still havent had the chance to sit beside dear while he drives.. Cos for now, Uncle is still monitoring his process. haha.. I cant wait tho =)

Dear.. i wanna eat BaKuTeh from PSA building, BCM from East Coast road, Goreng Pisang from Marine Parade and Mutton soup from Upper Boon keng Road =)

Thanx!

44 more days.......

Luckily, some relatives of dear have decided to lend a helping hand, if not i'll really have a headache. So all that is left is the decor..

Havent been in a good mood for the past few days cos last minute Shell went and fly my kite =/ Was really looking forward to the job and the possible prospects of staying there for the grads programme. But now... hiaz.. Hopefully the super sai gang one on monday wont pay too crap. Just looking at the directions to get there can faint.

Playing Sims 2 now.. Haha.. A little late to jump on the bandwagon but better late than never! Its so cool.. Mummy now has an aspiration to woohoo with 5 different sims, and make out with 10! LOL. But she's pregnant with Daddy's baby le so must settle down. haha.. Need to save up to 11k simoleans to get the car! Got a garage all ready for them already.

Dear has passed his driving! =) yay.. can ask him to ferry me everywhere le.. heh heh heh..

Cant wait for get my to-die-for proposal ring..! Hiding it in the drawer away from me is such a sin i tell u =( Hope i wont burst into tears when he finally pop the question. heh.. Just praying for good weather on the 9th and good health for gong gong too.

*hugs*

Lakeshore is almost done. Dear has promised to teach me how to swim! lol.. after the engagement, must headache about the decor for the house le =/ NO idea what colours to pick for the walls. Hopefully i dont make the house look like the clown hse in the circus..

I'm the luckiest girl alive...

*hugs*

Thanx dear...

Maternal Instincts?

Yesterday took a break from studying and went to watch the long-overdue Spidey 3 with CheersKipp & family =)

The show was great.. Dont u think Sandman looks a bit like arnie? haha.. And the effects for the black goo was quite cool too..

Cheers sat beside me during the show and it was a pleasure to watch her watch the show. She was dwarfed by the seat, and would be watching attentively with those large watery eyes of hers, clutching her jacket.

When the trailers begun, she kept asking me.. "start already?" Then when a different trailer came on.. she would ask again.. "start already?"

The innocence in her voice would really melt the coldest hearts.

I had never wanted kids. Since i was a teen, i detest kids actually. The wailing, the dribbling, their needy-ness was too much for me to handle. But looking at those 2 darlings, i cant help but want my own children.

Looking at how dear plays with, entertains and teaches them, I feel a sense of joy cos i know he is going to be a fabulous father.

I finally understand why people say that it is the children that completes a family.


Haha.. Hopefully i dont scare dear of with all these baby talk =)

Unlike the past 2 years, i dont feel anxious at all for the coming exams.. Its not that i'm well prepared but i just feel so detached and uninterested, which i know i'm going to regret. I just cant wait to get a job and start working and earning money. A whole new stage of my life is awaiting and i just want to start preparing myself for it now.

Mom just came back from the states. She seems so happy and relaxed. It was crap that i had to break the bad news to her once she got back. It was like waking someone up from a beautiful dream.

I guess it be all over soon. Told my brother about the news, told him of what may be happening. Couldnt stop my voice from breaking. Wanted to tell him more, but i had to be brief. I didnt want my brother to hear me cry, didnt want him to worry about me. And besides, its expensive to be crying over a long distance call >.<

Afterwards, while telling dear about it.. it all sank in.. tears flowed without restraint and i bawled. I know it's the best thing for my mother. I dont want her to worry about that jerk anymore.

I cant help but feel a sense of loss. i know he is a jerk. I know he doesnt care. But he's my dad. We had so many happy memories together.

I remember the times when my dad would take pictures of my mom when she just got back from work. My mother would be smiling so radiantly.

I remember trying to listen for my dad's distinctive engine sound and would wait for him by the door.
I remember how he used to buy things to appease me when they went shopping for my brother's good-grades reward.

Its a love-hate relationship.. or rather hate + some hopes + some longing.

I often thought back about how i treated him when i still young and regretted my actions.
How i used to sulk when he wanted to take pictures of us when we went on holidays.
I would be impatient and tsked loudly when he forgot to take the camera cover off.
I was rude and never understood him properly.
He would buy things that we wanted. Toys from Disneyland. Clothes. Food. Watches. Precious moments figurines cos i loved them. I hardly remember him saying no to what we want to buy.

Now i would never have a chance to make things up to him, respect him properly. I havent seen him for the past 1 and a half years.. And even if he did come back, i cant and i dont know how to make myself forgive him for all the hurt he has put us through. Why is he forcing us to take such drastic actions?

How can he just drop everything and leave? Dont I mean anything to him? Dont my brother mean anything to him? Dont my mom mean anything to him at all?


I guess when i get married next year, I wont have a chance to offer him tea.

I'm sorry dad, for not being a good daughter last time. But i'm sorrier that u will never get to see me as i am now.

Stinks to know that u just caused ur dear to waste some precious money. I'm so sorry baby =/

Sorry to have to rush u early in e morning.

Sigh.. what am i doing with my life? I have no idea.. I'm thoroughly depressed about it. I'm not doing anything constructive. Every turn i take seems to end up in a dead end.

I'm so bloody broke. All thanx to my dad. Perhaps that is what's making me depressed.

Soon, it'd be the end of school & must start finding a job le >.<

Not looking forward to it but i'm looking forward to getting a salary. Like my brother said, whatever decisions we make now can totally affect our future. *worried*

Thinking about all the interviews that i will be having scares e shit outta me. haha. I'm no fan of interviews cos i always seem to stutter n "erm.." a lot.

Shld start looking for jobs le.. so once i finish my exams i can start.. no need to wait.. =/

sigh........... bummer.