I dont like to quarrel with dear but i guess all relationships comes with that..

I just want to be happy... I want it to be like the old days.. when we just lie in bed in the dark after dinner n talk about everything.. and feel so sad cos time is running out and i have to rush home. I leave relunctantly but at least i know we were going to c each other soon. Those were the honeymoon days i suppose..

Older = more responsiblities = more maturity.

Do i have the level-headedness to proceed with my life? Do i have the sense to be working in the banking line?

I dont think i do.

It seems like when i'm happy, he is perhaps doing things to suit me... going out of his way to make me happy.

Which is not very gd for him, is it?

Have i been spending too much money? That was why i tot about the boots for so long.. I shouldnt have bought it.. I doubt i'll be buying the wallet le. No point.. maybe i buy a nice pouch.

I know i'm not very smart.. I do things w/o thinking but it doesnt mean i dont care. I stopped playing maple cos i wanna be more productive with my time. But that isnt happening either. I should start studying.

I just wanna know what lies ahead of us. Concrete plans.. Plans i can count on.
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I love u dear. I just want to be happy with u.

dammit.........

I think i have a severe problem.....

I CANT PASS THE FREAKING STAGE OF LOTR... zzzz... stupid ghosts...

lol.... Refused to play maple and was tired of bumming around.. so decided to play some PS2 games... Was stuck at NFS so wanted to try another one... lotsa luck with that one -.-

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Anyways, i'm looking forward to the coming year... I think yr 2007 will be a fantastic year for me.. or so i hope..

I'll be graduating (hopefully with decent results)
I'll be getting my new hse so away i go from all the nonsense here...
I'll be prolly getting married? engaged....

As despo as it sounds, i really cant wait to get married..

I cannot wait to design the hse together..
I cannot wait to be Mrs Sia..
I cannot wait for the time dear proposes to me..
I cannot wait for the moment the priest (?) says "i now pronounce u man & wife"
I cannot wait to start building a family together with the man i love..
I cannot wait to be officially with him.. and spend eternity with him.. and brave thru storms together..

And as bo liao as it is...

Spend the night together... as his lawfully wedded wife

=)

Just thinking about it chokes me up..


But i dunno whats is dear's plan..

Does he wanna marry me b4 the hse is done?
Does he have any concrete plans?
If he studies, even in SG, we gonna get married still?

I wanna iron out these questions, but talking in all seriousness will only prolly scare him off.. And the timing always seems to be wrong..

But i guess dear has an idea of what he wants to do i guess... or i hope..

Dont wanna make him angry by asking too many questions.. Maybe he'll start work in Jan? Dec? We could use the money.. perhaps then i can stop my tuitions? And work on my studies.. Must do well...

Oh wells....... Nothing i can do now.. except wait.. =)

Off to work...

Feeling bummed about it but yet i'm glad to be earning some extras. Plus it pays quite well.. almost $10 per hr...

I'm feeling "better" now... Got some "closure" le.. haha.. All e best...

I cant wait for dear to start working.. It be nice to finaly have some money, tho we'll be spending time apart. Seems like its hard for dear to want to start working.. after having got thru all the BS that has happened in NS. $1k plus a month seems sooo gd...

Feel like getting rid of 1 tuition.. too taxing.. but... the money is a problem.. Limited funds now..

Cant wait to move to our new apartment. Hurry up Lakeshore. I want to get away from all of this crap... I dont want to bother or think about it anymore.. I want my own personal space.. Our 2 people world...

Smtimes.. dying seem to be a better option.. Better than going thru life...

Its 5.04 am now.. been up for 22 hrs n counting (with 6 long agonizing hrs of lectures)... But i dont really wanna slp yet..

Suddenly have many change of plans.. Some gd, some bad..

Bad: got to go to update dear's photo, develop more photos.. and come up w a decent birthday present for his grandma by sunday. I pray it doesnt screw up =/ There goes our relaxing weekend, celebrated w chips n vodka.

Good: Going genting w him & his family! Have our own room too~! *slurps*

Really need the holiday.. my 3rd week of oct will be packed w tuitions.. but at least moolah is coming in =) Hope i wont get too snappy at dear... =/

Easily irked by someone lately.. Was i like that when i was her age? or perhaps even worse.. But i wasnt so spoilt.. sheltered... I can be rather bratty but to the extend of doing that to someone who did nothing to deserve such treatment? zzzz...

So paiseh sia.. And its so bloody irritating to hear her complain about something & not want to do anything about it..! Must everything be served on a platter b4 u can take it?

eg. hungry but dont wanna cook. Cold food but dont wanna reheat. Refusing to c a doctor on her own accord -.- [plus when u serve it on a platter for her.. She says its done wrongly.. Nice.]

Woman.. when we try to help... u just make us feel sian half... Soon, why bother?

Please let my hse be done asap.
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Dear is fast asleep now. I love him.. i really do. I wanna get married, and be a family. I want to be Mrs Sia. Dont wanna slp now.. cos got to wake him up at bout 6+ and i dont him to feel too dreadful, as if the weekend is spoilt. I'll slp when he leaves.. and wake up about 10+ to go develop e photos. Perhaps can have lunch together..

*kisses*

Happy 73mths anniversary darling....

Sweet 21st?

Its 430 am in the morning.. Havent gone to bed yet cos i suddenly remembered that i had to confirm my timetable for the new sch term (which starts on the Sept 11).

It be my 21st birthday in about 9 and a half hrs.. Feels like all other birthdays, except people treat u nicer.. lol.. and for once, gifts had thought put into them.. instead of just the usual re-given gifts.

Suddenly have an urge to write my thoughts down in this vast waste land of cyberspace.. shrugs.. Been lazy these days.. diary entries are few n far between.. perhaps cos my life has been pretty mundane now.. Not that i'm not happy.. I've my dear beside me... Money is trickling in. I'm showered with presents in the last week. I feel loved.. =)

Lately, I've become a lizard killer. Cos i made a pact with him.. Lizards i kill.. cockroaches he kills. My mess-less way of killing lizards is to simply just pour hot water on them... And at the rate i'm killing lizards, i'm gonna have some pretty bad karma coming my way. I think i've killed 2 in the past 2 weeks? Saw one just now... scared the Jesus out of me. Lucky for it, it darted to the service balcony before i could get my cup ready.

The one that i scalded to death yesterday was pretty big. Prolly the grandpa =/ For some strange reason, I actually felt bad after killing it. Honestly. Yeah it was a muthafking big one and its prolly gonna start a family if i didnt get rid of it, but....... when i saw it writhing around (in pain?), i felt bad for that poor fella. I mean.. nobody or nothing deserves to die so painfully.. =(

Oh wells.. better start doing some good deeds...

And no dear.. massages dont count as gd deeds.. lol..

I better go slp soon.. Gotta wake up early.....

[Rest in peace Steve Irwin.. Crikey! =) ]

I think... this would be my last post le cos i've regressed to writing in a diary instead...

Been busy n stressed out w my exams... but at least its down to my last paper.. sigh...

Have been miserable for the past day. Realised that whatever was my fault... i dunno... perhaps i've been too dependant.. too needy... and too busy.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, take care everyone.....